October 4th, 2017 we welcomed our second son Gideon into this world!
The last 4 weeks have been filled with a lot of emotions. The day Gideon was born was an amazing day. I was induced because he was in the 90th percentile for weight 2 weeks before my due date. October 2nd was my due date and I was induced on the 4th.
When I had my first son labor was intense and my recovery was worse. I didn’t get to experience the feelings of crying joy with Jackson’s birth because my body immediately went into a shocked shaking mode. In the days leading up to Gideon’s birth I was filled with anxiety and fear that I would have the same terrifying experience. Thankfully, the epidural took, the hospital staff was amazing, I was relaxed and pretty much laughed Gideon out.
Gideon was born at 5:45 pm. Weighing 8 lb 12 oz and 21 inches long.
I was able to feel the joy I heard so much about. I cried happy tears and wasn’t as scared for the weeks to come. Being a second time mom is much easier. Motherhood just happens all over again. The sleep deprivation is the same and equally as horrible.
Jackson met his younger brother and LOVES him. At home I hear this little sound of “Mmm Mwuahh!!” as Jack leans over to give Gideon kisses. When I nurse, he wants to cuddle with us and has shown little jealously towards his brother. Thanks to his baby doll and lots of kisses from mommy and daddy, Jack knew that we loved him just as much with Gideon around.
Not everything after Gideon’s birth was butterflies and rainbows. I left the hospital already feeling some postpartum depression (this happened about 2 weeks before Gideon was even born). I found many days that I didn’t want to smile or move off the couch. To deepen the sorrow, 2 days after being discharged from the hospital my Grandmother went into the hospital. A week and a day after Gideon’s birth she passed. The family support I had with Jack wasn’t there (not by anyone’s fault). The sadness I was already feeling became overwhelming.
In the weeks since my Grandmother’s passing and funeral I have been able to focus more on my boys. Tim has been an incredible help and has been working on getting me to express my feelings out-loud. I know I don’t feel like my old self yet, but I can feel some positive changes happening. I can tell when I begin to react differently that I usually would. I am starting to know when it’s hormones making me have these overwhelming feelings of distress, fear, or anger.
In 2 weeks I will be approved to workout and I know that’s when I can really kick postpartum depressions butt! I love having ‘my boys’ and despite having mild PPD I wouldn’t change anything about our lives. We feel so much love and we are trying to soak up these moments that we know will eventually be memories.